"It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubborness of the inorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed." - Albert Einstein

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I aspire to a stubbornly incorrigible nonconformity. The degree to which I have achieved my aspiration I leave in the capable hands of those whose wisdom and humilty exceed my own.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Am I Really Linked In - And If So To What?

The other day I noticed that the links on my blog were hopelesssly out of date. I decided to update my links today, which I successfully accomplished ... on the second or third try. Going through that process of updating my links got me thinking. Am I really linked in? And if I am, just what am linked in to?

When I was a professional social worker, storyteller, workshop facilitator, and inspirational speaker I felt linked in all over the place. Now that I am reluctantly and prematurely retired (for the benefit of any new readers I had to retire due to health issues, which include an acquired speech impediment and not being able to eat or drink anything) I feel like I have lost a vital and important part of my professional identity and self.

I have been getting more accustomed to being a retired person, but it is clear to me that I am still in the grieving the loss/learning how to be retired phase. I am fifty five and I am still going through a phase. Damn it, my mother was right, I haven't ever grown up.

I am still connected and the new links I added to the blog page today prove it. I just don't always feel so connected. I have been making a diligent effort to get connected and involved in the community. Well, the truth is, (and if you can't tell the truth on your blog really, what's the point?) that I haven't been that diligent. I missed Toastmasters because, for the first time in many years, I was too anxious about the speech I was supposed to give and didn't think it was ready yet. I was supposed to go to the Cascade Writer's Group last Tuesday but got so anxious about sharing my first attempts at creative writing since high school that I didn't go. I have been keeping up with my weekly meditation at Stone Blossom Sangha in East Wenatchee, so there's one point for me.

Mostly I have been staying home, doing a little housework; a little yardwork (my yard is clearly winning that battle); reading; writing; and napping. Of all of those my best thing this last week has been napping, which seems like the enemy of ever getting or staying linked in.

And while I am on the subject, I have a www.linkedin.com page but have never really figured out how to use it. I have the time to try and learn now, but I don't really know if I can still be a storyteller, workshop facilitator, and/or inspirational speaker since I have this acquired speech impediment.

I decided right after I left work for the last time that I would need to treat my retirement as a job, meaning I had to get up at the same time every morning, brush my teeth, shave, dress and do important stuff. Well, I have gotten the getting up, brushing my teeth, shaving, and dressing down. I do that every morning whether I feel like or have any important stuff to do or  not. I have not done so good at actually doing something important every day. It looks like this blog is taking a rather unpleasant turn - maybe the reason I don't feel linked in anymore is my fault? I hate when that happens. I am committing myself right now to do better, starting Monday. Hey, it's the weekend and even retired people get to enjoy the weekend!


Anonymous said...

Rocci, I think you are doing better than I at being retired as I often find myself still in my jambes at noon if I don't have something scheduled for the day! Peggy

Sharon Petit said...

I ditto Peggy. It was disconcerting when the guy who doing some yard came a day caught me in my jammies. Don't worry about the Cascade Writers we are all just starting after a lifetime of procrastination. I have been to the Write On the River the last two days and those writers intimidate me.

Heather Ayris Burnell said...

Sometimes we just need a break. You will find what it is that is right for you to be doing. Just give it a chance to come. :)

Rebecca Hom said...

Rocci ---- Yes, you are still inspiring, and still know how to facilitate a workshop. What about using the technology to your advangtage --- some type of speech enhancement or caption projection as you lead. You have lots to share. Are you familiar with TED Talks. You would be a great candidate for their formant. Much love, support and enthusiasm for you --- Rebecca

Natalie said...

I feel connection to what you say here, Rocci. Though not retired, I have felt drifting through this 'in between time' since my October lay off. Unable to make plans or commit to projects, I have felt lost. I try to remember what my mom said- "You are always a freshman: there is always something new to learn or master. When you forget this truth, you get in trouble." I also hope you know that your presence is missed when you're not at TM.